European Union
Foundation Back in 1989, after Soviet Russia fell, liberals rallied in Europe to devise another plan to bring down America. Satan fused the countries together into one "super country", the European Union, or EU for short, as a fighting machine against America. The EU befriended America and has been using various tactics to bring them down from within. Be on the lookout for their next scheme to bring down America. The EU has been compared to other teams such as The Warsaw pact, The New York Yankees, or The Roman Empire. Presidents of the European Union *1st President: Satan *2nd President: Napoleon Bonaparte *3th President: Vladimir Lenin *4rd President: Neville Chamberlain *5rd President: Joseph Stalin *6nd President: Adolf Hitler *7th President: Satan (boy, they sure love him!) *8th President: Slobodan "Danny" Milošević *9th President: Ursid McBear *10th President: Osama bin Laden *11th (and current): José Manuel Barroso Values The EU wishes to destroy all life in America. Period. Or at least gay it up a bit. Other than that they value nothing. They are dead inside. Like clay figurines or mimes. Maurice Strong who helped found it took the best ideas of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin and everything that NAZI Germany and the USSR had to offer to found the European Union and then used conspiracy theories like peak oil, global warming, Bush did 9/11, and the New World Order conspiracy theories to manipulate oil and fossil fuel stock to make a lot of money and then hide in China after the United Nations fired him for a hostile take over. It was all a big scam to replace the US Dollar with the EU Euro to help destroy the United States of America, but Stephen Colbert is not so easily fooled and warned us about this. Capital The capital of the EU lies in the pits of flame and doom, in the very heart of Europe. Where Commies and Arabs dance at the very foot of the Black Tower in the City of Death - Brussels. A foul place were there is neither freedom nor joy. The Bible tells us how The Greatest President will one day destroy the One Euro here, bringing democracy to yet another part of the world. Member States in the EU *Germany - Die Führer of Europe *France - Die Führer's Biatch, or "Bitcheinslautsen" *United Kingdom - "We are not Europeans! We are American lapdogs!" *Italy - Europe's wang *Spain - Gays can get married here. Enjoy hell, Spanish Gayiards! *Poland - Never forget... something *Romania - Accepted into the Union purely to make it look bigger on the map *Netherlands - The junkie bastard child of Germany and France (France being the mother) *Greece - "The musical?" *Portugal - Spain's shit. *Belgium - The Evil Headquarters of the Union *Czech Republic - The home of American slackers outside America *Canada- The home of the bears *Hungary - The most Stephenerating of all European nations, and much better than Finland *Sweden - Adds hotness and neutrality to the Union *Austria - Claims Governator Ahnuld comes from here. All lies! *Bulgaria - Same as Romania *Slovakia - The Jan Brady of the former Soviet Satellite States *Denmark - Does for EU what the Bible Belt does for America concerning Muslim relations. We approve *Finland - Home of monsters such as Moomin, Lordi and Euro-liberals *Ireland - Origin of most Real Americans. Spare them in upcoming war(s) *Lithuania - Home of the "Fightin' Livonian Knights" *Latvia - Lithuania's hippie older brother *Slovenia - Current capital of Academic "High Theory", old-fashioned ass-grabbing *Estonia - Lithuania and Latvia's ugly little cousin *Cyprus - A small island invaded by Turkish Mooslem forces *Luxembourg - For some reason they have a lot of money. Probably donated by America or stolen from World War 2 Jews *Malta - Small and European. Much like Euro genitals Means to take over the World The Euro, shiny bits of paper printed to amuse the citizens and make them laugh and giggle. While harmless in appearance the shiny bits of tin foil are actually essential to the Bear uprising of 2012. Speculation guesses that the foil will be used to hypnotize citizens of the world while playing the song Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. More reason than ever for America not to use the Euro. Great Britain has discovered the plot due to the genius of Tony Blair and they are in the EU as spies reporting information back to America. The Euro is not the most circulated currency in the world, not even close mister! Trivia *The European Union has started two world wars. The United States have ended five. *Some people say that the Euro is worth more than the U.S. dollar. But some people also eat puppies and strangle babies, so go figure. *The European Anthem is a stolen song written by an American St. Bernard dog ment to be used during Japanese New Year celibrations. See Also *Hate America Firsters *Commie *New Europe *Old Europe *The NATO External Tubes *European Union elects Anti-christ as their Satanic Leader